SAM I AM!
whenever "she" shows up, i know i've been crossed and have had enough!
oh how i love shakti gawain, who descibes our inside selves in terms that don't seem crazy! i happen to name my inside selves, and SAM (samantha) is the part of me that took over in my teens, when i'd had enough of my mom and step father and alcoholism and misapplication of scripture and just pure BS! that part of me moved out at 16, worked full time, she is a survivor! she comes and goes. i have learned over the years to incorporate her into my whole being. she doesn't put up with crap and will level you if you mess with her. if i give her too much power, the extreme will eventually kill me. i have learned that i can utilize her strengths, while at the same time remaining balanced. occasionally, she comes out in full force. this is a red flag to me that something is not in balance or i have been crossed or have had enough of something! through her eyes, i see the facts. i have learned to respect her, not ignore her, but also not let the extreme take over.
i have a thought running through my mind...do i have a time limit on how long i stay attached to people? with both of my marriages, i shut down after a year to 2 years because of realizing how awful they were. is that what this is? is my body, mind, emotion etc, instinctually shutting down because of unhealthy "programming"? is it a defense mechanism? is it my mind protecting my emotion? a strong possibility! i will ponder this.
