i still see himon my drive to work most days....in the same spot....
a camera maybe?
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
living in the light!
...all of my life i have felt...out of my body!
i have felt like i don't belong in human form. i have been uncomfortable with my body and even allowed myself to abuse my body because i didn't appreciate the value of it. i allowed myself to BE abused as well. i allowed myself to ignore my intuition and found myself in many unfortunate circumstances.
i have felt i had different personalities inside me. i felt i would come to moments of clarity but something would take over, logic?, religion?, basically my mind...and those clear moments would disappear and i'd feel crazy. especially since i did not have people around me who experienced anything similar.
i have always heard and felt this struggle within between body and mind but didn't know how to put words to it. i have felt like it was unfortunate that i had to live in a physical form because i had sooooo much more aspiring with in me and my body wouldn't cooperate.
i have struggled with alot of PAIN, i'm sure because of this struggle within and because i didn't KNOW how to change it.
fortunately my intuition knew. even though I didn't know.
it is amazing to look back to 5 years ago and observe that my intuition took over for me when my brain had shut down. i ended up soooo depressed, and suicidal and hopeless and in pain, YET, something took over, and i took one step after another until i found HERE!
thank you "intuition"! or i would have died. =-)
one step after another until i got it right. or at least on the right path!
even when my family and friends and religion said i was/am wrong and a heathen for my choices and chose to remove themselves from my life. it's okay! they would have hindered my journey. i am not angry but relieved. at times i am grateful because my journey would have been that much more difficult having to deal with naysayers and doubters and persons who didn;t understand and support my choices.
PERHAPS, down the road i can return to them but on my terms.
i am reading this book called...living in the light, by shakti gawain.
i was giving a massage and explaining to my client where i was in my journey regarding "spirituality"? i guess is what it could be termed.
i was explaining how i have felt dark inside for a couple months and didn't exactly know why. i THOUGHT maybe it was because i have had a faith my whole life and a HOPE for the future etc. and now i did not. and i haven't been sure how to replace it. going back to the religion i came from didn't seem the answer. that would be too easy. a quick fix. it never worked before so why kid myself and think going back would be the answer. supposedly it would SAVE me but i don't want to be saved at the expense of my inner self. not anymore.
anyway, my friend said....i have a book for you! she gave me living in the light!
i am so grateful! it is EXACTLY what i need to be reading right now! it is putting words and explanations to things i have felt for a long time. it has been very validating and enlightening. CURRENTLY i am reading the difference between the body and spirit and how to have them CO EXIST!
ah, relief! i can utilize both! i feel hope.
my spirit is here for a reason, in physical form, for a reason. i need to respect that and find ways to learn and live and aspire within that. what a privilaged journey!
i have felt like i don't belong in human form. i have been uncomfortable with my body and even allowed myself to abuse my body because i didn't appreciate the value of it. i allowed myself to BE abused as well. i allowed myself to ignore my intuition and found myself in many unfortunate circumstances.
i have felt i had different personalities inside me. i felt i would come to moments of clarity but something would take over, logic?, religion?, basically my mind...and those clear moments would disappear and i'd feel crazy. especially since i did not have people around me who experienced anything similar.
i have always heard and felt this struggle within between body and mind but didn't know how to put words to it. i have felt like it was unfortunate that i had to live in a physical form because i had sooooo much more aspiring with in me and my body wouldn't cooperate.
i have struggled with alot of PAIN, i'm sure because of this struggle within and because i didn't KNOW how to change it.
fortunately my intuition knew. even though I didn't know.
it is amazing to look back to 5 years ago and observe that my intuition took over for me when my brain had shut down. i ended up soooo depressed, and suicidal and hopeless and in pain, YET, something took over, and i took one step after another until i found HERE!
thank you "intuition"! or i would have died. =-)
one step after another until i got it right. or at least on the right path!
even when my family and friends and religion said i was/am wrong and a heathen for my choices and chose to remove themselves from my life. it's okay! they would have hindered my journey. i am not angry but relieved. at times i am grateful because my journey would have been that much more difficult having to deal with naysayers and doubters and persons who didn;t understand and support my choices.
PERHAPS, down the road i can return to them but on my terms.
i am reading this book called...living in the light, by shakti gawain.
i was giving a massage and explaining to my client where i was in my journey regarding "spirituality"? i guess is what it could be termed.
i was explaining how i have felt dark inside for a couple months and didn't exactly know why. i THOUGHT maybe it was because i have had a faith my whole life and a HOPE for the future etc. and now i did not. and i haven't been sure how to replace it. going back to the religion i came from didn't seem the answer. that would be too easy. a quick fix. it never worked before so why kid myself and think going back would be the answer. supposedly it would SAVE me but i don't want to be saved at the expense of my inner self. not anymore.
anyway, my friend said....i have a book for you! she gave me living in the light!
i am so grateful! it is EXACTLY what i need to be reading right now! it is putting words and explanations to things i have felt for a long time. it has been very validating and enlightening. CURRENTLY i am reading the difference between the body and spirit and how to have them CO EXIST!
ah, relief! i can utilize both! i feel hope.
my spirit is here for a reason, in physical form, for a reason. i need to respect that and find ways to learn and live and aspire within that. what a privilaged journey!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)